Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Faith like a child

This pregnancy is most certainly different from the last. And, obviously it's been on my mind a lot lately. We are so so excited to be adding a little boy to our family. I will never forget the look on Jon's face when he realized that he was looking at his son, rather than just a baby without an identifiable gender. Priceless. I will never forget some of the comments that were made when we announced our news... "Now you'll have the 'perfect family!' Mom, Dad, a girl, and a boy!" And one that I really hold dear to my heart because she didn't even know me (or the background story): "What a blessing!!!!!!" She was just so thrilled and it really helped me to put things back into perspective and forget about my panic for a bit. Little by little, this all becomes reality...

But, for a variety of reasons, it's been MUCH more difficult to kick back and enjoy every second of this pregnancy. Which is what I really want to do. I don't want to look back on this and remember some of the mountains we have had to face. It was such a time of bliss with Kate, and this time around has involved a lot of wild emotions (which are compounded by recent long, sleepless nights with Kate), a lot of phone calls, a lot of tears, and a lot of trust. God has been faithful to me for as long as I can possibly remember. He has never once failed me. And He isn't going to either. He provides for all of my needs (and the needs of my precious family). So, why do I have such issues with faith? I long for "faith like a child." I long to rest comfortably in His promises. But alas, this pregnancy has bared all of my inadequacies in my faith and has forced me to face them head on. The issues aren't really what I think they are, though. The issues have nothing to do with insurance complications or teething or lack of sleep (day and night). The issues don't stem from having one income and living frugally. The issues arise from my stubbornness to let go. They come from my unwillingness to let Someone else have full control of my life. Don't I know what's best for me, anyway?? ;) God is good, y'all. In the beautiful times of life and in the tedious days. I wish I remembered that more often... and that I truly lived like it.

So, what do you do to keep that in your mind?

Kate and I listened to her lullaby CD on the way home from church today (my desperate measure to get her to take a nap) and this song sung by Nichole Nordeman came on. I really needed to hear it this week. If you have a few minutes, it's totally worth a listen here. If not, here are the lyrics:

When the sun starts to rise
And I open my eyes
You are good, so good
In the heat of the day
With each stone that I lay
You are good, so good

With every breath I take in
I'll tell you I'm grateful again
When the moon climbs high
Before each kiss goodnight
You are good

When the road starts to turn
Around each bend I've learned
You are good, so good
And when somebody's hand
Holds me up helps me stand
You are so good

With every breath I take in
I'll tell You I'm grateful again
'Cause it's more than enough
Just to know I am loved
And You are good

So how can I thank You
What can I bring
What can these poor hands
Lay at the feet of a King
I'll sing You a love song
It's all that I have
To tell You I'm grateful
For holding my life in Your Hands

When it's dark and it's cold
And I can't feel my soul
You are so good
When the world is gone gray
And the rain's here to stay
You are still good

So with every breath I take in
I'll tell You I am grateful again
And the storm may swell
Even then it is well and You are good


1 comment:

  1. Congratulations! Didn't know you were pregnate again!