Tuesday, January 01, 2008

Finally... 2008

I can't believe that 2008 is finally here. I also can't believe that this blog has been around as long as it has and that I just now learned what to do with it. I'm also in disbelief that we head back to school tomorrow. I'm pretty sure that I'm not ready for that. I've had several conversations over the past few weeks about life and I've realized that I've been missing a huge piece of God's promise to me/us. 2007 was the most difficult year of my entire life. Jon and I both wrestled with more grief, bitterness, anger, stress, and emotional and spiritual exhaustion, plus so many other feelings to an extent I never knew possible. We mourned the loss of precious grandparents, experienced complete betrayal by those we trusted, made painfully difficult decisions for our little family of 2, and clung to one another through constant tears and heartache.

I pored over Psalm 13 the night before Christmas Eve and just read and sobbed. In my lifetime of trusting Jesus, I have never experienced a pit like this. At times, I've felt as though God was distant from me and I've felt that my prayers were bouncing off a wall, but I had never felt that He was completely absent from my life. I had no idea what to do. I am a "hymns" kind of girl and I played "Be Still, My Soul" on my iPod on repeat that night. Finally, at 2:30 AM, I felt God's gentle voice say to me, "Go to sleep, my child. I HAVEN'T forsaken you, and My justice and My ways will always prevail. This is not your battle to fight or your burden to carry." It's amazing how life's circumstances can cloud our vision or put God's voice on mute. I cannot understand why I continue to be dumbfounded when "godly people are so ungodly." We are all human. All of us.

So, I've watched the calendar for months now... waiting for 2007 to end. I've been dying for a fresh start for a long time, and it's finally arrived. 2008 is here. I even managed to stay awake to see the clock turn to 12:00! But, I didn't need to wait for this day to come. God's mercies are new EVERY morning. He is faithful to us always, and I didn't have to count down until the morning of January 1, 2008. It's unbelievable to me that it took me over a year to relearn this simple lesson! It's one of those things I've heard my entire life, but I never had a "crisis" to cause me to rely on it. God never promised us that our lives would be easy. He DID promise us that we would never be alone. I wish I could say that our lives have become pain free with this revelation and that the lies and hurt have come to an end. But they haven't. It still might be awhile. Sometimes I still cry for no reason at all. Sometimes I wish I lived in Texas or Colorado or somewhere else far away from this foolishness and the absurdity of human nature. But, as the "hymns" girl, I continually sing in my head This is my Father's World.

This is my Father's world,
Oh let me ne'er forget
That though the wrong seems oft so strong,
God is the ruler yet.

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